Top reasons to be a man/woman
Top Reasons its Great to be a Guy
# Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
# Movie nudity is virtually always female.
# You know stuff about tanks.
# A five day vacation requires only one suitcase.
# Monday Night Football.
# Your bathroom lines are 80% shorter.
# You can open all your own jars.
# Old friends don’t give you crap if you’ve lost or gained weight.
# Dry cleaners and haircutter’s don’t rob you blind.
# When clicking through the channel, you don’t have to stall on every shot of someone crying.
# Your butt is never a factor in a job interview.
# A beer gut does not make you invisible to the opposite sex.
# Guys in hockey masks don’t attack you.
# You don’t have to lug a bag of useful stuff around everywhere you go.
# You can go to the bathroom without a support group.
# Your last name stays put.
# You can leave a hotel bed unmade.
# When your work is criticized, you don’t have to panic that everyone secretly hates you.
# You can kill your own food.
# The garage is all yours.
# You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
# Nobody secretly wonders if you swallow.
# You can be showered and ready in 10 minutes.
# Wedding plans take care of themselves.
# If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be your friend.
# Your underwear is $10 for a three pack.
# None of your coworkers have the power to make you cry.
# You don’t have to shave below your neck.
# If your 34 and single nobody notices.
# You can write your name in the snow.
# Everything on your face stays its original color.
# Chocolate is just another snack.
# You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger seat.
# Flowers fix everything.
# You never have to worry about other people’s feelings.
# You can wear a white shirt to a water park.
# Three pair of shoes are more than enough.
# You can eat a banana in a hardware store.
# You can say anything and not worry about what people think.
# Michael Bolton doesn’t live in your universe.
# Nobody stops telling a good dirty joke when you walk into the room.
# You can whip your shirt off on a hot day.
# You don’t have to clean your apartment if the meter reader is coming by.
# Car mechanics tell you the truth.
# You don’t care if someone notices your new haircut.
# You can watch a game in silence with you buddy for hours without even thinking “He must be mad at me.”
# The world is your urinal.
# You never misconstrue innocuous statements to mean your lover is about to leave you.
# Hot wax never comes near you pubic area.
# One mood, all the time.
# You can admire Clint Eastwood without starving yourself to look like him.
# You never have to drive to another gas station because this one’s just too icky.
# You know at least 20 ways to open a beer bottle.
# Same work….more pay.
# Gray hair and wrinkles add character.
# Wedding Dress $2000; Tux rental $100.
# You don’t care if someone is talking about you behind your back.
# You don’t mooch off others’ desserts.
# If you retain water, it’s in a canteen.
# The remote is yours and yours alone.
# People never glance at your chest when your talking to them.
# You can drop by to see a friend without bringing a little gift.
# Bachelor parties beats bridal showers.
# You have a normal and healthy relationship with your mother.
# You needn’t pretend you’re “freshening up” to go to the bathroom.
# If you don’t call your buddy when you say you will, he won’t tell you friends you’ve changed.
# Someday you’ll be a dirty old man.
# If an other guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you might become lifelong buddies.
# The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
# You think the idea of punting a small dog or a cat is funny.
# If something mechanical doesn’t work, you can bash it with a hammer and throw it across the room.
# New shoes don’t cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
# You don’t have to remember everyone’s birthdays and anniversaries.
# Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with: “So…notice anything different?”
# There is always a game on somewhere.
2. A woman can hug her best friend without worrying she’ll think she’s gay.
3. Women can talk to attractive members of the opposite sex without having to picture them naked.
4. A woman can never be blamed if it’s wet on the floor around the toilet bowl.
5. If a woman cheats on her spouse everyone will assume it’s because she was being emotionally neglected.
6. Women are capable of doing at least two different things to a passable standard at the same time.
7. Women live longer than men.
8. Women know how to cover up spots and other facial blemishes.
9. If a woman inexplicably disappears for two weeks, one of her friends will notice.
10. Women mature earlier than men (some men never mature at all).
11. There are times when chocolate is really the answer to all woman’s problems.
12. Women don’t feel uncomfortable with gay waiters or hairdressers.
13. A woman can fully assess a person just by looking at their shoes.
14. Women know the truth about whether size matters…
15. A woman can take a drive without trying to beat her best time.
16. If a woman forgets to shave, no-one has to know.
17. Women are capable of going longer than five minutes without thinking about either sex or football.
18. Women never lust after a cartoon character or the central figure in a computer game.
19. Women can be groupies. Male groupies are stalkers.
20. Women can cry and get off a speeding ticket.
21. A woman can get a whole new lease on life just by changing her lipstick.
22. A woman can congratulate her team-mate without ever touching her rear.
23. Women don’t have to worry about catching anything important in their zipper.
24. If a woman says something stupid, most men will just think she’s cute.
25. Women can admit to others when they’ve made a mistake
26. If a woman cries, she’s sensitive; if a man cries, he’s a wimp.
27. Women know who their children are without having a DNA test.
28. It’s cool to be a daddy’s girl. It’s sad to be a mummy’s boy.
29. Women can wear platforms – which is why there is no such thing as a short woman’s complex.
30. Women can watch one TV channel at a time without getting bored.
31. Women have total control over their eyebrows.
32. Women can get drunk quicker and cheaper than men.
33. A woman’s friend won’t try to persuade her to get a tattoo while she’s drunk.
34. A woman won’t drive to Hell and back before she asks for directions.
35. Women aren’t covered with hair like shag carpeting.
36. Woman don’t feel threatened if their partner earns more than they do.
37. For women, a new season means a whole new wardrobe.
38. Women know exactly what buttons to push to get exactly what they want.
39. Women don’t think reading the manual is a betrayal of all their species stands for.
40. Women can keep pot plants alive for more than a week.